This blog is to be read in your best football commentator voice
Welcome to Match of the Day between two mighty teams with a notoriously strong rivalry — Free Speech United versus Impartiality Defenders. And here in the Modern Society Stadium, we’re about to kick off — in more ways than one! It’s Gary Lineker who gets proceedings under way with an angled tweet towards the left wing, denouncing government language over its new immigration policy. The referee, who for today’s game is Mr Tim Davie, doesn't seem to like that and is having a word with Lineker. And this is quite extraordinary — he’s spent three days looking at VAR and has now decided to send Lineker off! Ha ha. Look at that! Lineker still manages to smile as he’s sent off for an early bath. Government Ministers watching from the stands are shouting that Lineker is in the wrong, but they say the ref needs to sort it out for himself. But what’s this? I can see Ian Wright and Alan Shearer marching off the pitch. These two have scored more than 500 goals between them, but today they’re hoping to score points for the Free Speech side. Perhaps they have. The game is now getting bogged down in midfield as supporters of the Impartiality side produce evidence of Lineker’s tweet breaching BBC guidelines. But Free Speech United have brought several former BBC editors off the bench to say it doesn't really apply to freelance sports presenters. And now former BBC gaffer Mark Thompson picks it up in the middle of the park, knocks the ball forward into the danger zone and says Lineker was guilty only of a technical breach, and that the BBC needs to clear up some grey areas.
I think these grey areas are just outside the penalty area.
Or was the Lineker tweet just inside the box? It seems to have been Pandora's Box.
And now someone’s produced evidence that the BBC did some brilliant defensive work when it got complaints about nature presenter Chris Packham. “We believe our audience is able to separate Chris’s presenting work for us from the personal views he shares outside of BBC programmes”.
Some in the crowd are singing: “We all agree. The same should apply to Gary!”
But the man in the black suit still thinks otherwise. And the crowd inside the Modern Society Stadium is, as ever, totally polarised. They’ve all been to the bar, and are drunk on culture wars and social media.
And now some people are on the pitch. They think it’s all over!
It is now!
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